More than anything else, I want to be myself. I want to find my voice and shake the fear to speak. I want to say this is who I am. And that is okay.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Lately, all I want to do is sleep. Yesterday I think I slept for all but 7 hours. Enough to eat and go for a walk/dog park. But today I’m feeling the results—wide awake. We just moved so there’s no Internet yet…so I’m trying to keep up with things on my phone. Today we went to the zoo then played mini-golf. My feet ache from walking but it was fun. Hard to imagine how different things will be soon. We were talking about how much fun it will be to bring our child to the zoo. The joy of seeing everything. :). But for now I know they say pregnancy is a miracle and all, but it just makes my body feel old. :)
Okay everyone here is my secret: I’m pregnant. I’m super excited. A bit nervous. And super tired/queasy/cranky. But mostly excited.
I got the promotion at work…I actually got two job offers which was exciting to decide. And I got a larger raise as the result.
But more importantly, I have a secret….a super exciting secret. Message me if you want to know. It may help explain my absence.
I am doing quite well. Oddly, since my boyfriend and I broke up, I have been going out and doing more rather than tumbling. I am being social?! Gasp. But in good news, I have an interview for a promotion with my company Friday, so I am super excited.
I keep saying I’ll write more whenever I do post…but then I don’t. I think in many ways, this served it’s purpose. I needed to grapple with my time as a sex worker…what that meant for me as a professional now, trying to create a new life…or different life. But still as someone who does not regret that part of my life.
I have found a sense of peace with it.
Thank you. I am doing much better now—3 doctor appointments later. Everything should be good going forward so that’s good to know. I’ve just been busy and not writing much anymore….I need to change that, huh?
Sad hospital tumbling. There’s no tv, alone in the wing. Bored. I’m squinting my eyes to see figures in the curtain pattern.
(from last night because there was intermittent cell reception.)
Yes sorry it’s out of order. :) oops.
But but but her self-absorbed worldview is messing with my self-absorbed world view.
Seriously, I will just remind myself of that next time she gets on my nerves. Because I know I have the same tendency. :D Thanks!
My boss is pregnant. And I found out that I have many ovarian cysts…when one ruptured. I am in constant pain and throwing up.
And all my boss talks about is her pregnancy. Excuse me if I cannot work up excitement while my ovaries devour themselves.
But yay?!?!!?!
(If I hear one more thing tomorrow…I might just go crazy. I may have fertility problems and my miscarriage still haunts me. But yay to your baby. One more comment…I swear! Shit. Today she took a poll about what she should have for a snack. And oh the morning sickness. And oh I’m due in September. But I am not telling anyone on facebook since I am only five weeks along. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…AHHHHHHHHHH. STOP. See, crazy.)
Chase Hawkins: Sheesh
So, I think I may have found my most popular post on Tumblr. Ever. This one about the inspiring story of a woman meeting the child she gave up for adoption decades (and decades) ago. I simply said this is why I do not support abortion, even in cases of rape. I did not say, and will not say, we should burn those who get any abortion and the state should hunt down those that do. That’s not it at all. I’m not saying my “feelings” are more important than the woman who was raped. I can’t even imagine. I can’t even imagine a normal pregnancy. But I did state what I believe. So, before you go all defensive, realize the difference between someone simply stating how they feel, and someone trying to force you to live the way they think you should. Please and thank you. :)
The problem is your opinion is harmful to women. You can believe whatever you’d like to believe, but when you start putting it in a public forum, prepare for the reaction. Because your opinion hurts women…and your opinion is espoused by politicians who want to limit my access to abortion.
So you do not support abortion even in cases of rape because some day I may meet that long lost child and we can hold hands and sing happy songs and be all halmark card bullshit? And life will be all happy.
No. It doesn’t usually work like that. You can be against abortion, but please don’t put forth an opinion that limits my rights. Your freedom to an opinion ends when it pushes against the boundaries of my freedom to have a legal medical procedure.
Why (I feel) There's No Exception for Abortions
For those who always make exceptions for abortions, such as in cases of rape, take a look at this story. I really like this and it gives me a little hope for the world. Yes, I know not everyone wants to keep a child and some have bad experiences and we have too many kids that need adopted now. I get that. But still.
Oh look, a cis-dude. I guess it doesn’t matter what you feel about reproductive rights, restrictions on choice, and exceptions to those restrictions.
Tell you what: when you get pregnant from rape, you get to have an opinion… about your own pregnancy and no one else’s.
While the story is all nice and pretty in the end, it happened long before abortion was legal and safe and accessible. The woman in the story did not have the same choices that are currently available. She wasn’t able to chose to keep the child or have an abortion…she was sent to a home for pregnant girls. And came home to the farm afterwards.
If you sum um your entire argument with “but still”, I don’t think you really get it. Rape is more than a “bad experience”; the idea of carrying a rapist’s child to term is more than a “bad experience.” It is nine months were your body continues to be serve as a visible reminder of the rape—as if your body does not do that anyway. If you do not have a uterus, then you do not get to say what I do with mine if I become pregnant. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding conception.
